Posted on | February 26, 2015 | 2 Comments
I’m inches away from the third trimester, and I’m actually feeling really great. I get some uncomfortable-ness by the end of the day when I feel like I’m bigger than I am in the morning. But other than that, I am still feeling pretty much like myself. I’m up about seven pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight, and I’m still chugging along at CrossFit. It’s hilarious to me the difference between how I felt with Arlo and how I feel now:
Additionally, the Open starts this week! In case you’re not into CrossFit, the Open is a worldwide competition for all CrossFitters. Headquarters releases a new work out every week, and athletes have a couple days to do the WOD at their gym in front of a judge. Your scores are tallied and input to a database, and it compares you to everyone else who competes. Honestly, it is one of my favorite times of the year in the CrossFit world. Clearly, I’m not planning on being very competitive or going to the Regions, but that’s part of what makes the Open so fun. It doesn’t matter if you aren’t regionals bound. It doesn’t matter if you aren’t in the top 10% of the country, or even your own gym. All that matters is that you go and give it you best and set new standards and benchmarks for yourself. I’m interested to see how I stack up to last year when I couldn’t do a double under and could barely overhead squat 65lbs. This year, I’m much stronger, but please don’t ask me to do a chest-to-bar pull up or handstand push up! My bodyweight strength has gone down while my lifting PRs have gone up, so it will be cool to see how I do. I am hoping to do better in the region than I did last year, but as long as I put forth my best every week, I’m looking forward to saying, “Yeah, I did the Open when I was six and seven months pregnant.”
Finally, I’m starting to build up my cloth diaper stash again! So any of you mamas who are into cloth, I’m looking forward to starting that journey all over. In the next little bit, I’ll do a post about how much has changed since I last ventured into the world of cloth. It is unbelievable what a difference a couple years makes.
Posted on | January 28, 2015 | Comments Off
I came across a quote the other day that really struck home with me:
“Be a fountain, not a drain.”-Rex Hudler
Such simple words, and yet, if we can truly live by them, how wonderful would that be? How often do I let my negative feelings or bad day influence how I behave or interact with the ones I love? I’m afraid it admit it’s probably more than I even realize. I really want to remember these words every day in the moments that I am struggling to smile. I want to remember them when I check my inbox and find thirty-nine notifications from the same professor. I want to remember when the boys are at each other’s throats, dinner is burning, and Tay is walking through the door. I want to remember when a friend calls me with bad news or needing advice. If I can be an uplifting part of people’s lives rather than a drain that leaves them tired and worn, why would I not strive for it every day?
This world is a beautiful place, and though it can be trying, I want to make the most of every day, every minute, and every relationship I have.
Posted on | January 6, 2015 | 2 Comments
As a new year is upon us, I’ve found myself reflecting on the past year. The ups and downs. The goods and bads. Ultimately, we had a really good year in our household. Taylor deployed and came home safely (thank you, God). The boys grew and changed and learned. Sully’s first year semester of pre-school went beautifully. Arlo enjoyed his time with just mama. I started my Master’s degree and earned my CrossFit Level 1 certification. There were many accomplishments for all of us to celebrate. We are all healthy, happy, and loving, and for that, I am so grateful.
I also spent most of this year forming new friendships and learning more about myself and how my relationships with friends and acquaintances affect the way I feel and interact in life. I’ve decided that I have one major flaw:
A wish to be liked.
Maybe it stems from typical girl insecurities. Maybe it’s my type-A personality that pushes me to try to be the best friend, the best coach, the best FRG leader, the best mama. Whatever it is, it’s time for me to grow up a little.
My desire to be liked by all has led to saying “yes” to any and every request, favor, play date, responsibility. While my year of “yes” has led to some beautiful friendships and great experiences, it has also led to one-way friendships and acquaintances who do not love me or appreciate my efforts no matter how expansive. I have learned that not every one is interested in investing in me and my life, and that is okay. I have learned that some people leave me drained, and some people refuse to reciprocate even the simplest of friendship basics like asking how I am after a long week with a husband on a business trip or a baby with a stomach flu. And I’ve learned that I simply cannot be my best me while trying to make those kinds of people like me. No matter how hard you try or how much you put into life, sometimes? People just don’t care back.
It’s nothing personal. Probably. They just have enough on their plates and do not have enough time, effort, or energy to invest in you.
Let them go.
Walking away from people that I have hoped to be friends with, even people I’ve known and tried to love, because they cannot offer a friendship back has allowed me to open up my heart and time for the people who do care. For the women who are seeking out the same kind of fellowship and laughter in friendship that I am. It has allowed me to meet these women who build me up rather than drag me down, and it has allowed me to meet the kind of women with whom I truly have enough in common to make a longtime friendship work. It has allowed me to love my husband and family more fully because I am not stressed by dramatic friendships. Friendship isn’t always equal. Sometimes one friend needs more than the other. When those tough times happen, it’s important to remember to step up and be there. But, also? It’s important that those people you step up for do the same when it’s your turn to be supported. If they don’t, let them go.
No hard feelings. No drama. No anger. Just simple recognition that you deserve better.
So this year, I am working to put time and effort and love into those friendships and relationships that really matter. I am working on letting go of the need to make everyone like me and make everyone happy. I am focusing on those that are important and worthy of me so that I can give them the best me without being spread thin among people and projects who are not interested in reciprocating. Instead of being okay at lots of things, I want to be great at the things that truly matter. My God. My husband. My children. My family. My dear friends. My school. My job. My health.
It’s simple enough: love and be loved.
Posted on | January 1, 2015 | 7 Comments
Hello dear friends!
I’ve entered 18 weeks of pregnancy now, and so far so good! I’m starting to feel baby number three a little more, though, I think I may have an anterior placenta that is blocking most of the movement right now. I mainly feel the baby very high or very low and not at all in the middle. It’s a far difference from the two boxing champs who occupied my uterus previously. Speaking of, the boys are doing great and adjusting well to the idea of a new baby. Arlo thinks I ate a baby, and he’s asking that the new baby please not be placed in his room or near him in the car so as to avoid having to listen to “dat baby cryin’.” Sully says things like, “I can’t wait until my baby is here!” and “When the baby is here, can you take care of it, and I will play with it?”
I’m still working out 5-6 days a week, and I honestly think it has made this pregnancy easier in many senses. Morning sickness is still here on and off when I forget to take a unisom at night. The midwife suggested this little secret, and it seems to have helped. Today, I woke up sick as a dog because I forgot it last night, so I had to take half of one during the boys nap time and crash for a couple of hours. But besides the morning sickness, I’m feeling really good. No aches and pains, little round ligament pain, few and far between heart burn, and less weight gain than with Arlo. The scale says I’m up three to five pounds depending on the morning, which puts me right on track for a decent gain. Which would be nice after having to lose over thirty pounds after Arlo arrived.
I’ve had to slow burpees way down, and toes-to-bar are becoming more of knees-to-elbows. I’ve turned box jumps into step-ups after almost eating it last week on a 20″ high volume box jump work out. My strength has definitely gone down some, as I’m a little less comfortable getting underneath really heavy back or front squats. But this week, I started a supplemental squat program (Hatch Squat Program) and will be adding in some extra squats every week to hopefully keep up my strength. Snatches have had to go. I see videos of women snatching and cleaning throughout their pregnancy, and every one of them develop bad habits and swing the bar far away from their body in order to make the lift and avoid their bellies. I don’t want to have to break those habits once baby comes, so I’ve switched to snatch balance and will move to front squats or something once cleans become impaired.
The hardest part so far is checking my ego. Having to scale movements or weights is frustrating to me, and I’m having to remind myself that pregnancy is temporary, and the most important thing right now is staying safe and not doing something silly or potentially stupid to keep up with the ladies I work out with who aren’t pregnant. Sometimes my motivation isn’t there either, especially at nights, and I have to really force myself to get up and move at the gym. I always feel better afterwards, and I don’t want to get in the habit of skipping work outs because it’s too hard to get back into a rhythm once you stop. Next week is our anatomy scan and second blood work draw to check on baby. We aren’t finding out the sex, but I’m excited to see the baby and get a peace of mind that everything is going well.
Have any of you ladies out there continued to CrossFit in pregnancy? I would love to hear your stories.
Posted on | December 10, 2014 | 5 Comments
I could start off every blog post with an apology about the delay in writing, but that would surely be monotonous. Instead, I will say “HELLO!” to all of you sticking around right now.
Friday marks week fifteen of this pregnancy, and I have been CrossFitting five to six days a week the entire time. As a background note, I have been a CrossFitter for ABOUT two years now, so it is not new to me. At my first doctor’s appointment, I let my doctor know I would be CrossFitting as long as the pregnancy remained healthy and allowed me to do so, and she whole-heartedly supported me. I didn’t ask if I could CrossFit. I didn’t ask if it was okay for me to lift weights, run, jump rope or boxes. I just said, “I wanted to let you know I’m a CrossFitter and a coach. Most days of the week, I lift heavy weights quickly. I run a few times a week, and I do lots of plyometrics. I don’t plan on stopping, but I wanted to give you the heads up so you are aware.” She smiled and said, “Great! Now, let’s get that ultrasound.”
So that’s that.
I am a firm believer that pregnancy is not an illness. It is a natural, beautiful part of life, and as long as you are healthy and baby is happy, there is no reason to discontinue the exercise you have been doing prior to getting pregnant (please consult your own doctor…duh).
The only thing I have modified is that I no longer do rope climbs, and I have stopped doing GHD sit ups. Obviously, falling off a rope would be a horrible thing, and while it is unlikely, it is the one thing that I think is probably better left alone until after I have this baby. GHDs are better left to non-pregnant ladies as they can increase the risk of abdominal separation, or Diastasis Recti. I have still hit Personal Records on deadlift, back squat, and bench press (though, I will probably move to inclined bench press once this baby gets a bit bigger to keep weight off the arteries). Running has gotten a bit slower, and I tend to feel more winded quickly. But strength feels great!
1 Rep Max bench press (hit 110lbs…it’s a weak spot for me)
Three rounds of
24 Double Unders
12 Snatches at 65lbs
6 burpee pull-ups
Burpees are slow. I’m used to flopping to the ground, and now, I have to lower gently which takes some extra time. I finished in 12:09, which wasn’t awesome, but I was there! I may head back this afternoon for a little WOD I missed Friday which was,
4 minute AMRAP of
10 deadlifts (95#)
10 kettlebell swings (35#)
rest two minutes
I will try to let you know how things go throughout this pregnancy, but my second semester of school starts January 5th, so you know. Priorities. As of now, the morning sickness is finally letting up, and I have yet to gain a pound…which is a stark contrast to my other two pregnancies where morning sickness ended exactly at 12 weeks, and I gained about 10-15lbs by this point. I’m eating as much as I want and pretty much whatever I want, so I won’t complain!
Here is a 12 week baby bump. I should probably take a new one soon, but not much has changed so far.
Oh! And we got a van. And I LOVE LOVE LOVE IT.
Posted on | November 4, 2014 | 6 Comments
If you’re wondering where I’ve been, I have a great many answers for you. I’ve been enjoying time with family without worrying about taking pictures just to post on the blog. I’ve been working on my Master’s (which is a heck of a lot more work that undergrad when you add in babies, a husband, a social life, work, and so on). I’ve also been keeping a little secret…
That’s right! We may the decision to jump into becoming a family of three. We got pregnant a bit more quickly than we anticipated, and we are expecting baby number three to arrive late Spring of next year. It’s still pretty early (I’m sitting at about 10 weeks), but I’m already showing a little and have been sick A LOT so we decided to go ahead and share the news once we saw a happy, healthy baby on the ultrasound. We’re thrilled, of course, and maybe a bit anxious. I have to buy almost everything new because we got rid of so much of our baby stuff during our last two moves and when we thought we were done after two. I’m not looking forward to that kind of expense, but I’m sure it will be okay. We aren’t finding out the sex this time, either. If I had to bet, I’d place my money on a boy as that seems to be our pattern of behavior. We have names picked out (BUT WE AREN’T TELLING!), so don’t even try me. The boys are excited, but they both think I ate a baby. And Arlo is requesting a big brother, so hopefully he won’t be disappointed. Speaking of the boys, they are doing great but wild as ever. Sullivan started preschool, and Arlo is in the midst of the terrible threes. Please, don’t let anyone convince you two-years-old is bad. It’s got nothing on three.
Tay is great and supportive as usual. He’s had to work a bit more than we would like lately, but when he’s home, he’s home, and that’s all I need.
Oh! And I got my CrossFit Training certificate, so I’m officially a Level 1 trainer. I start coaching this afternoon. Wish me luck!
I can’t say how much I’ll be posting, but I do miss this little of space of mine. If I can eek out a few minutes here and there, I’ll be posting when I can. I miss updates from all of you, too. Now that I’m back in the midst of pregnancy and thinking about natural birth and breastfeeding and carriers and cloth diapers and all things baby, I feel like I’m back to the roots of this blog and maybe have a little more to say that relates to you, my readers. We
Posted on | July 10, 2014 | 6 Comments
Every day I see posts about “what I wish I had known before I gave birth to two testosterone filled children”. But, they have yet to touch base on the one real topic that pulls at me daily.
“I wish I had known about the dirt!” duh.
“I wish I had known about the penis obsession!” well….we all had some sort of sexual relationship with a man before children, so surely this aspect doesn’t come as a shock.
“I wish I had known how they loved cars/trucks/trains!” no. I don’t believe you.
You know what I wish I had known? I wish I had known that they would be vilified in the media, in Huffington Post articles, in grocery stores, in the day cares, and even in the grocery store check-out. Every. single. day. I wish I had known that our culture was creating an atmosphere of “man hatred” and “de-gendering” and an idea that boys and men are inherently bad and should be treated as such.
I wish I had known I would be defending them daily because they love to rough house. I wish I had known they would be deemed as “less than” because they prefer to play outside in the dirt rather than learn to read at the ripe-old ages of four and two.
I wish I had known that I would have articles forced in my face every day via social media about how to make my boys less “monsters” than they were “ingrained” to be.
I wish I had known that I would have day care workers chastise my boys about their normal behavior. I wish I had known old ladies would roll their eyes in the grocery store line. I wish I had known that typical behavior from little boys would be deemed prime candidacy for ADHD medicine and finger pointing.
Let me be clear.
My boys are very well-behaved. They are kind. They are polite. They are gentle with others. They are respectful with adults. They are loving and beautiful and make me so incredibly proud every day. But they are also rowdy. They like to jump from the highest points of furniture in the house. They enjoy splashing mud outside and water in the tub. Their attention spans are short when it comes to traditional learning, but if you engage them, they are eager to learn and eager to please. They love nerf guns and Army men (well, their dad is military…so) and catching bugs. They fear no spider. They love God, their parents, their grandparents, their friends, and yes, strangers in the grocery store lines. It’s hard for us to teach them appropriate boundaries because they want to know and love everyone.
They are wild. They are vivacious.
They are EXHAUSTING.
And yes, they enjoy being a bit obsessed with their own wieners.
They are not inherently bad.
They are not inherently evil.
I do not appreciate hearing about fathers of daughters meeting all boys at the door with a shot gun as though the unsuspecting boys’ only intention is to knock their daughter up and leave. I do not enjoy the side-eye I get when my boys tackle each other on the play ground. I think it’s too much when it’s shoved down my throat that my boys are not allowed to even so much as think about a girl without feeling guilty.
I don’t feel the need to paint their toes to make them more feminine. I don’t feel the need to force them to play with dolls. If they ask for their toes painted, you can damn well bet I’d do it. If Barbie is on their birthday wish-list, their daddy would be at Wal-mart before you could blink an eye. We want them to make their own choices. If someday, one of them tells us he is in love with another man, we will embrace his partner with open arms. This has nothing to do with wanting them to be a certain way. We want them to be their own people. Learn about themselves without gender ideas pushed upon their developing minds and without a prejudiced shoved on them before they even know what “prejudice” means.
They are BOYS.
They will be boys.
That doesn’t excuse disrespect. That doesn’t excuse unwanted sexual advances (some day…because that isn’t even on our radar now). That doesn’t excuse being physically aggressive. That doesn’t excuse unkind or hurtful behavior, and I can assure you, like most parents of boys, we are very aware of instilling morals, values, kindness, generosity, and a very healthy respect of people in our boys. We want them to be loving. We want them to build people up rather than break them down. We want them to love someone someday with such deepness that they will finally understand our marriage. We want them to grown and learn and thrive.
And we want them to do so without feeling guilty about their roughness, their eagerness, their BOYNESS.
They drive me up a wall about 95% of the day, but they are growing into these amazing little people, and I will not have some anonymous blogger or internet troll tell me that they are bad and should be restrained from their normal boy behavior. Normal does not equate to bad.
Posted on | June 25, 2014 | 8 Comments
Guess who’s home, y’all?
This handsome man!
He was supposed to land sometime around supper time on Monday evening. Instead, I got a call two hours earlier than anticipated that he was here. I had just gotten in the shower with the idea that I would take my time, put on my make up, let babies nap, and make sure my outfit was perfect. Instead, I rushed out the door with barely any make up and half-asleep babies. I was sweating like a pig, and feeling entirely overwhelmed. Traffic was horrific. One of the gates was closed to post so I had to rush around the back. By the end my nerves were shot, but what did it matter? Because….he’s still here!
Of course he’s back to work already, but we’re settling in and so glad to have Daddy home. The boys could not be happier, and while Sully has had a few adjustment issues (re: never wanting to let Daddy out of his sight and being a bit sensitive and emotional), I have no doubt that they will be back to normal within a week.
Tay and I looked at each other last night, after wondering over the surreal fact that he was in an entirely different part of the world just a couple days ago, and we both agree that while this life is hard and the separations are painful, there’s a certain beauty about being reminded to never take each other for granted and to never be complacent. Thus, begins our fourth honeymoon! Thank you to all for your thoughts and prayers, and know that I am continuing to pray for each and every one of you going through deployments and TDYs. Hang in there, y’all.
Posted on | June 20, 2014 | 4 Comments
Yesterday, I received this lovely and terrifying email in my inbox:
I promptly had a panic attack and burst into tears. Good tears. But the panic was real.
I mentioned to you awhile ago that my plan was to really dive into this librarian thing, and I took a job at our local library. I loved every minute of it, but when Tay had to head out of town, I took a hiatus from the job because it was almost impossible to work around the sporadic part-time schedule with two babies, no full-time paycheck or daycare, and having to work weekends. I miss it dearly, and I have been anxious to get back into the library ever since.
I originally planned on starting my MLIS in June if I was accepted to the Summer session, but as life goes, it got in the way. Starting this week or next would have been a nightmare with events we have coming up in the very near future. I know there’s never a perfect time, but June would have left me windswept and overwhelmed from the start, and I wanted a fresh, exciting beginning. So I requested to cancel my original application and push for a Fall semester. Two weeks after I applied, I received an email asking for a different essay from the one I originally submitted. I suppose the topic had changed. I sent in a second one the hour after I got the email, and I found my acceptance in my inbox the next morning. Now, all I have to do is send a transcript from a college where I took three summer classes and secure financial aid, and we’re all set.
I’m very excited about this new adventure, but I’m also scared shitless. I’m scared about failing. About the extra debt my degree with put on our family. About finding a job post-graduation that will make that extra debt worth it. I’m scared of how I will handle two babies, a house, a traveling husband, a neurotic dog, my passion for working out, and my sanity. But I’m going for it, and all I can do is hope for the best and work my ass off while I’m doing this thing.
Have any of you gone back to school as an adult? It’s been SIX years since I received my graduate degree. I hope some things haven’t changed. I hope I can keep up and don’t get left in the dust by twenty-two-year olds who are still fresh from undergrad.
Posted on | June 19, 2014 | 2 Comments
I found myself rolling my eyes at a few hilariously trivial things this morning, and it brought to mind the fact that when I’m in certain mood, every, tiny thing can bring a huge wave of annoyance. When I’m in a not-so-foul frame of mind, I tend to ignore life’s minor frustrations and focus on the the small victories in a day. I thought it might be kind of hilarious to share some of the things that have struck me with their annoyance hammer over the last couple of days. So, here we go:
1) Going to get a sparkling water from the fridge only to find I actually drank the last one yesterday.
2) Going into the grocery store for ONE SPECIFIC THING and getting all the way home without that thing.
3) Sitting down to eat only to have someone who has pooped and needs a butt wiping.
4) Tripping on the stupid brick in my walkway every time I have my hands full.
5) Putting all the sippy cups up in the cabinet only to have them fall on my head the minute I remove my hands.
6) Getting a phone call from an unimportant source (like, a telemarketer or “Mr. Appliance” making sure my fridge repair is up-to-par) the minute I start cooking or eating.
7) Somehow deleting an entire post/email/paragraph with the single touch of an unknown key on my laptop with no warning about the impending doom.
8) Laying down on the couch for a cat nap and getting jerked away two minutes in because someone has decided they are done napping for the day, thank you very much.
9) Going to pay for something and realizing I’ve left my debit card AND check book at home.
10) Finding hair conditioner in my ear after running errands all afternoon.
11) Dropping my entire book in the bath tub while trying to relax and read.
12) Knocking over a full cup of coffee onto my kitchen floor.
14) Having an entire box of chicken stock slip from my hand and miraculously land top down and regurgitate it’s full contents in the blink of an eye. Onto my floor that was just cleaned of coffee.
15) My dog waking me up at 3:33 AM (freaking devil’s hour) with this obnoxious, disgusting lip-smacking he does when he’s anxious because he sense there may be a thunderstorm some where in a 100 mile radius.
Now. For the good. When I feel myself slipping into a funk of frustration, I try to take a few deep breaths and look for the good. I tend to wind myself up throughout the day if I don’t take a step back, and the result is full blown exhaustion and sometimes tears by nighttime. If I can regroup, take a minute, and find some peace, I’m usually able to reign it in and look past these tiny hiccups in the day. Here are the things that have helped me through a week that has been a little emotionally draining:
1) Arlo smiling his huge smile and insisting on sitting on my lap while we watch “Paw Patrol” while absently rubbing my t-shirt.
2) Sullivan’s impromptu karaoke sessions in the back seat of my car. His enthusiasm and amazing ability to get all the words wrong to every song brings me to full-blown belly laughs every day.
3) That first sip of hot coffee in the morning.
4) The imagination on these two:
5) An unexpected, sweet, and very-much-needed email from my husband in my inbox.
6) The sound of the Skype ring on my phone.
7) Finding a piece of dark, salted chocolate that I thought was all gone.
8) The smell of Lavender scented epsom salt rising from a scalding hot bath.
9) The hour or two I get every day in the gym, surrounded by some of my favorite people, and sweating my ass off.
10) Fresh flowers picked out by my boys as a “gift” to me in the grocery store.
11) Finding the PERFECT outfit for a special occasion.
12) Having a friend insist on taking the boys for awhile because she wants to help and knows I need a little break.
13) Farm-grown peaches and strawberries and home made ice cream from a local peach stand.
14) An invite to a girlfriend’s pool and knowing it means a few hours of wonderful company and boys who will surely nap later that day.
15) A very special and much anticipated date creeping up on the calender.
So there you have it. I’m anxious and sometimes ridiculous, but I’m working hard to find grace and beauty in every day, even when I would rather just be pissed off at the world (or at least the cashier in Harris Teeter who refuses to make eye contact or say anything remotely nice). What about you? What are the little things that drive you up a wall? What are the small blessings that help bring you back down?keep looking »