50 Shades of Grey…or just a lot of Bull?
Posted on | June 14, 2012 | 9 Comments
Last week, Taylor met me at a wedding in Brunswick with a smile on his face and a surprise Kindle in hand. After I squealed and stared at if for a few minutes, I mentioned that I hadn’t really read any books in awhile (you know, babies and all), and that I wasn’t sure what I should download first.
While casually unpacking his clothes he asked, “Oh, hmm..I heard about those “50 Shades” books being pretty good. What about one of those?”
Insert side-eye here.
First of all, I’m not sure where he heard about the books unless all of the men in his life are whispering about it to each other and suggesting that it’s a good thing for everyone’s sex life. Second, I wasn’t so sure I wanted to “go there.” Smutty “mommy porn” books that would make me blush and wake my husband up at 1:00AM for a raucous round of sex?
Wait. Never mind. Bring. it. on.
I tore through the first book. It made me blush and think, “Oh my gosh, do people actually do these things?!” But it also got on my last freaking nerves. The main characters, Christian and Ana, are beyond annoying. There is a whole lot of, “inner goddess” talk. Who actually refers to an inner goddess? Especially over and over again? It’s also ridiculously repetitive.
Ana thought, “Oh.”
Christian pressed his lips into a hard line.
Ana blushed crimson.
He told her to give him her orgasm and she did (well, we all know this ain’t really happening).
Oh no, Christian’s angry again.
“You bought me a car?! How could you?!” (again, seriously?)
Ana said, “I just don’t know if I’m enough for you….” Christian is angry and replies, “What do I have to do to show you?!”
Lots of smirking and eye-rolling. Frowns and sighs.
Blah. Blah. Blah.
BUT, the concept is so addictive and foreign that I read the book in less than a day. The second book followed soon after, and I’m now almost halfway through the third. The writing is atrocious. But y’all, they talk about butt plugs. I don’t even know what that is or what the purpose of it would be, but it sounds so horribly wrong and like something I never, ever care to try, so how could I not read about it? A Red Room of Pain makes it’s appearance here and there with mentions of satin sheets and sex on some stretcher thing, and it’s terrifying and hilarious and interesting all at once.
Bottom line? It may make you want to have more sex with your husband. It may also make you want to gag what with all the cheesy lines and over-sexing and anal beads. But, if you’re looking for a guilty pleasure book to read on the beach or perhaps alone in your room while you lock the children out for an hour or so, I can’t help but recommend it.
Enjoy. Your husband may want to thank me.
If you want to read a couple more reviews of the book, my girl at Completely Eclipsed wrote a hilarious post about it and head to Heir to Blair for blushes and tulips and a super happy hubby.
Comments
9 Responses to “50 Shades of Grey…or just a lot of Bull?”
"I'm a twenty-five-year old mama to two little boys and married to the love of my life. I have a serious Diet Coke addiction and a tendency to overshare. My biggest dream is to write a book. A good book that tons of people buy and relate to and love. In the mean time, this is the story of us as we flounder through raising our wild, little boys, moving a million times, and buying and renovating our 1968 Ranch home."
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June 14th, 2012 @ 11:01 am
Hey, Sally! Haven’t read 50 Shades as there are so many other “mommy porn authors” (touting myself in cluded here), but love that you’re writing about it! Like that? Try Lora Leigh or Christine Feehan…the ghostwalker series or Elite Ops Series. Just some ideas you and Taylor might like. They are can’t put down reads!
Sally Reply:
June 14th, 2012 at 11:04 am
I forgot that you wrote, Teirney! I would love to read some of your stuff…and thanks for the recs. I need some new books as soon as I finish this third one
June 14th, 2012 @ 11:31 am
hahaha! I’m reading the third book now, and plan on writing my post once I’m finished. It’s probably going to sound a lot like yours. They sure are annoying. But, I can’t get enough!!
June 14th, 2012 @ 12:40 pm
Perfect critique! I have read all three and I found myself doing a lot of eye rolling, but I couldn’t walk away.
June 14th, 2012 @ 12:43 pm
I have to say, it’s good for light reading, as in your brain might actually liquefy in your head while you turn the pages. But the sentence structure is really so awful I just couldn’t find the motivation to read past the first book. (My book club read the first one- and we all agreed we were not interested in reading the rest. At least not officially as a group.)
June 14th, 2012 @ 4:45 pm
I just finished reading the first one yesterday! I had resisted (and had heard about the awful writing, which as a journalism major drives me crazy) but I finally just had to see what everyone was talking about. I think my feelings about it were much like yours. I’m oddly curious as to what’s going to happen to them next, but some things were just ridiculous!
The inner goddess talk was definitely annoying. But one thing I kept laughing at were the all the references to the foil packets. She heard him take a foil packet out of his pocket. She saw him place a foil packet on the table. She saw him open a foil packet. He asked her to open a foil packet. It’s a condom, people! Just call it a condom!
June 14th, 2012 @ 6:57 pm
It’s so bad that it’s good. The first book was the worst and then it gets progressively better. I was completely sucked in. I think I figured out why you remind me of Ana. I think it’s because I think that you and Taylor love each other the way Ana and Christian do. Just without the anal beads and excessive amounts of control lol! Or maybe the anal beads, I don’t know
June 14th, 2012 @ 7:53 pm
It is hard to decide….but curiously I find myself wondering what Hollywood stars would play Christian and Ana. I’m almost finished with Freed – so far Darker is the least repetitive.
June 24th, 2012 @ 9:45 pm
I just finished the third book today, and loved them. I know the writing was terrible, but I was sucked in. I feel like the story got better with each book. As a tired new Mommy of an energetic baby boy, it definitely got my attention (and I’m pretty sure my husband’s too)!