Packing up the baby clothes.
Posted on | February 4, 2013 | 10 Comments
It’s no surprise I still ache for one more baby. I talk about it to most anyone who will listen. I bug my husband at least once a week. Every time I see a newborn, I feel that old familiar heart string tug that makes me wish I had a small bundle to bring home. Family and friends roll their eyes at me. Others suggest I go hold a friend’s baby and get it out of my system. Others tell me I should just be grateful for what I have as many people cannot have children…as if I don’t love my little boys enough because I don’t feel like our family is fully complete. But it’s not that easy. Any one who has every longed for a baby knows that there isn’t much that can cure that fever other than a child.
But the truth of the matter is, we are not in the place for that to happen. Honestly, I’m not even sure my husband will really want to pursue trying for a third down the line. He doesn’t have the ache for a third that I do, and I will never pressure him into another child. It’s not a closed case, but it’s definitely something that isn’t happening any time soon. So last weekend, I began the process of rummaging through the boys’ drawers to pack up clothes that were too small. I guess I thought my children would eventually shrink back into 0-6 months size. I was in denial to the fact that my favorite little outfits no longer fit any child in my home, and their drawers were overflowing with tiny onesies and sleep sacks.
As I sat on the floor, surrounded by little, bitty clothes, I felt that catch in my throat that always happens when I least expect it. The tears rolled down my cheeks as I folded swaddles and kimona t-shirts. I kept thinking that I may never rock one of my children as they are swaddled in a fuzzy sleep sack.
But I have to be realistic, and I have to be satisfied for now. So, this is just me being dramatic and a bit sappy. I hope you’ll understand. There is just something about being a mama that is so fulfilling and awesome to me, and I am so happy I’ve been given the opportunity to mother two beautiful little boys. If they are all I ever get, I will be just fine. I swear.
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10 Responses to “Packing up the baby clothes.”
"I'm a twenty-five-year old mama to two little boys and married to the love of my life. I have a serious Diet Coke addiction and a tendency to overshare. My biggest dream is to write a book. A good book that tons of people buy and relate to and love. In the mean time, this is the story of us as we flounder through raising our wild, little boys, moving a million times, and buying and renovating our 1968 Ranch home."
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February 4th, 2013 @ 4:14 pm
Oh, mama! I can not imagine ever not having a baby in the house. I guess that’s why I have my 9th babe on the way. Easy? No! But life is never easy and I have never ever heard anyone say they wished they had not had one of their children. A common thing I DO hear though, is that they wish they had another (or 8 more!) Is it for every family? Probably not, but don’t give up yet. You are young and have plenty of child bearing years ahead of you.
February 4th, 2013 @ 7:08 pm
I know exactly what you mean. Before I had Conrad, I had full blown baby fever for two years. I was in agony while I waited for my husband to be ready. Now he’s here, and I am so thankful. In the back of my mind, though, I know I’d like to have another in a few years, because this doesn’t feel quite complete.
February 4th, 2013 @ 7:17 pm
I don’t want 4 kids, but I still have the ache and desire in my heart. My 60-something year old aunt told me the desire doesn’t go away (I bet it does during the teenage years!). Some of us don’t ever feel “done.” Some do. Still sad nonetheless.
February 4th, 2013 @ 7:34 pm
I hear you. We are more than ready. Our original goal was to see how it went (stop avoiding ovulation times) in December. With the surprise pregnancy then the miscarriage and all the fall out, it just burns. My youngest right now is starting to use 2 words together, follow instructions, and just now is putting some of the giant blocks together when 2 weeks ago she was just putting them in her mouth, not even recognizing they were a toy. Since we’ve now passed our ‘start trying’ time and I’m still not as healthy as I should be, it’s really starting to lay heavy on my heart. I knew as soon as my last one was born that we were NOT done and there have only been maybe 3 really rough times when I thought, ‘are we crazy?’ Like you, I want the snuggle, and also the hand holding while nursing, and even the midnight awakenings. I want it all. I really feel like an old pro now, and things are lining up financially, with our house, and everything else, it’s really time and we are SO ready. I just hope that God sees fit to grant our little wish with a healthy one this go round.
February 4th, 2013 @ 8:32 pm
We just had our third baby 6 weeks ago. We are done, I know I am done. I am just so happy and content with my family the way it is. I love babies and I am cherishing every moment with my last but I do not feel sad that she is my last. Nobody ever regrets having another child but there are so many people who regret not having another. If you want another baby go for it. It may be hard but you will figure a way to make it work.
February 4th, 2013 @ 9:46 pm
Oh, I am most definitely the same way!! My littlest will be 6 months next week and I doubt we will have another. That makes me sad, even though I am grateful every day for my two healthy boys.
February 4th, 2013 @ 9:56 pm
Its funny I know we are done but now that Em is almost 8months old I feel sad that someday soon she will be running from me and yelling “no”. For now I love the 3am bottle feedings. I kind of feel that it all happened so fast and that I missed something. I will just have to trust in the fact that things are how they should be… You have no idea what the next few years will bring, but either way your one of the coolest mommies I know! Hugs
February 5th, 2013 @ 2:37 am
I have a baby that is going on 7 months old and I also feel that ache when I see a newborn. They are so precious.
February 5th, 2013 @ 4:22 am
While I honestly do not ache for a third, I have similar emotional feelings about our four month old and we will never experience these precious moments again. I teared up packing his newborn clothes to prepare to sell/donate because we are done. There is something about babies that do that. However, I have known for awhile the reality for us is two kids and I am okay with that. You and your husband are young and have plenty of time before a third baby is ruled out. You never know what God has in his cards and if your husband may change his mind. Until then, snuggle your sons and every newborn you get to hold.
February 19th, 2013 @ 4:14 pm
You can come hold Davis ANY time you want this summer!!