Posted on | February 4, 2013 | 10 Comments
It’s no surprise I still ache for one more baby. I talk about it to most anyone who will listen. I bug my husband at least once a week. Every time I see a newborn, I feel that old familiar heart string tug that makes me wish I had a small bundle to bring home. Family and friends roll their eyes at me. Others suggest I go hold a friend’s baby and get it out of my system. Others tell me I should just be grateful for what I have as many people cannot have children…as if I don’t love my little boys enough because I don’t feel like our family is fully complete. But it’s not that easy. Any one who has every longed for a baby knows that there isn’t much that can cure that fever other than a child.
But the truth of the matter is, we are not in the place for that to happen. Honestly, I’m not even sure my husband will really want to pursue trying for a third down the line. He doesn’t have the ache for a third that I do, and I will never pressure him into another child. It’s not a closed case, but it’s definitely something that isn’t happening any time soon. So last weekend, I began the process of rummaging through the boys’ drawers to pack up clothes that were too small. I guess I thought my children would eventually shrink back into 0-6 months size. I was in denial to the fact that my favorite little outfits no longer fit any child in my home, and their drawers were overflowing with tiny onesies and sleep sacks.
As I sat on the floor, surrounded by little, bitty clothes, I felt that catch in my throat that always happens when I least expect it. The tears rolled down my cheeks as I folded swaddles and kimona t-shirts. I kept thinking that I may never rock one of my children as they are swaddled in a fuzzy sleep sack.
But I have to be realistic, and I have to be satisfied for now. So, this is just me being dramatic and a bit sappy. I hope you’ll understand. There is just something about being a mama that is so fulfilling and awesome to me, and I am so happy I’ve been given the opportunity to mother two beautiful little boys. If they are all I ever get, I will be just fine. I swear.